"Hey World, I'm a Douche" or What Your Book Choice Says About You

Like all people who spend way too much time on the internet, and/or women, I am crazy judgmental. More specifically, snap judgmental. Sometimes I make snap judgments in a positive way. I befriended a girl who is now one of my closest friends because of all the people in my 9th grade gym class, she had the friendliest hair. True story.
Anyway, this tumblr totally feeds on this quality. http://coverspy.tumblr.com/

So it's like getting enamored of this dude, but without
him being a hot movie star. Sorry sleeping Latino man,
you don't stand a chance. 

 Like Netflix instant streaming, it brings out all my unhealthy natural tendencies. Like developing a crush on someone on the subway because he's reading Nabokov or Graham Greene (this happens on the regular).
It's a tumblr made for judgmental lit nerds. So I can get infatuated with strangers, like a creeper stalker, and I can hate on girls that read that certain type of Chick-Lit. That Mary-Sue loving, high maintenance type, like Bergdorf Blondes. Or anything by Candace Bushnell (really? Even after Sex and the City 2, ladies? I know she didn't write it, but she is a major cause of its existence. Not to mention that terrible show with Brooke Shields and perennial show killer Lindsay Price).
More than that, it has made me even more self-conscious about what I read in public. The problem with being snap judgmental? You assume everyone else is too. Ergo, there are stacks of books in my house that are kept on a secret shelf, hidden in the attic. Gossip Girl novels, various vampire related romances, a Paris Hilton autobiography-- none of these will ever leave my room, never mind the house. Because if I saw myself reading these in public, I would judge myself. Plus, what would Jake Gyllenhaal think?
So for the public good, I thought I would break down snap judgments about your favorite books. TheHairpin made a great list of these for men http://thehairpin.com/2011/07/favorite-books-of-the-secretly-jerky
But, it was too short. So today, I'll start judging on the dudes, and ladies will get their fair due tomorrow.
Guys
Anything by Salinger:  Hairpin nailed this one: Manchild. Not only that. Pretentious Manchild. Pretentious Hipster Sulky Manchild. If you are over the age of 18, there is no excuse for this.
Slaughterhouse-Five, Vonnegut: This is an odd one. At first, my reaction is "aww, how cute" but then is immediately followed up with "God, how unoriginal. At least pick Cat's Cradle" It's like the boy version of saying your favorite book is Pride and Prejudice.
Anything by Palahniuk: Asshole. And will make you watch Fight Club at least 3 times.
Anything by Bret Easton Ellis: Asshole. And will make you watch American Psycho at least 3 times. But is probably smarter than that Palahniuk loving asshole, although Hairpin is right, and he think he's smarter than you too. But hope he won't make you watch that Ellis based movie that stars Dawson Leary.
Anything by Hemingway: Has machismo issues. And possibly alcohol issues. But it's also possible he's very hot.

To be continued...